Thursday, 14 June 2012

Life: Level Two

So I finished university.

I wrote a tonne of words...
about various different subjects...
for three years...

Soon I'll get a small piece of paper...
with considerably less words written on it...
It may as well be reduced to the following:

Dear Sheila,

This piece of paper confirms you are ready. Ready to do what people were already doing three years ago, people who did not go to university.
We wish you well and hope you enjoyed your time with us.

Kingston University

So it seems once I get this piece of paper dressed in a cape and hat, I shall be ready for Life: Level Two.

I have already started walking hand in hand with with the Mario brothers, jumping over turtle shells and looking for those floating stars that give a shit load of energy. In their absence I have been drinking lucozade.

I have actually been less of a bum than I thought. I did download theme hospital and play it solidly for two weeks. I was important in that virtual world. I was the savior of many people with bloated heads and long tongues. I was given several hospitals to run due to my brilliant reputation and skill. I had a huge sense of achievement, that is until I would close the game down, remember I was under the same duvet I woke up under and still in my pajamas.

It was time to get a job.

So now I work in customer services selling sunglasses. You are introduced to a variant of different personalities when in this field. Some people e-mail you pictures of their self admittedly large heads and ask what would best suit them. Some people wait until you've placed their order, taken payment and then ask "These are genuine, right?" ... I am tempted to reply... "Oh sorry, no this particular pair you have chosen I got from the market next door."

It's alright though this working malarkey. Weekends are something I look forward to now rather than just being two extra days in which to watch Scrubs. Something that has come with this job is getting up early enough for the breakfast news.

I never paid that much attention to the news, but recently I've been enlightened on many different topics. One such being, that the hose pipe ban may be lifted, this is due to the fact officials are finally realising England is actually a very wet place. I watched this morning as a young boy stood knee deep in water, unconvincingly lying that he was disappointed he could not go to school.

A female news reporter nodded sympathetically to the boys fibs, afterwards she paused, and then smiled.

The camera zoomed out to show the reporter with wellies up to her knees. Something blue came into shot while she said "Well, we have a surprise for you..."

From round the corner two burly men on a blue canoe rowed in.

"There you go, you can now go to school, what do you think of that?"

A shocked and not too pleased young boy, was then shuffled on to the boat before being rowed away by two men who look like they should have sunk it already.

On the upside I'm sure the boy would have got a glowing attendance report, on the down side, I believe the headmaster was too busy skinny dipping with dolphins to give a shit about that.

Anyway, times are a changing, I'm working the 9 - 5, ain't it a way to make a living!

But thankfully Dolly, I am getting by, It is not all taking and no giving...

But I have still lost my mind...

Though, wouldn't life would be far more boring if I found it.

Toodle Pip!

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