Thursday, 19 January 2012

This blog is about gaming, my very limited knowledge of gaming (It references Halo and Mortal Kombat... just thought I'd warn you).

Last Monday I played a gig in London. I went on my own, and after sound checking sat at a table by myself. I had my phone stuck to my hand and it's screen fixed to Facebook.

However, a nice guy approached me and said:

"your voice is sik bruv, just had to tell ya!"

I'm not 100% taking the piss, it was really nice of him to come over, but whenever someone speaks to me with those sort of words, I suddenly feel like I should mimic it, and when I wisely don't, the words that do come out seem so pronounced and posh:

I probably replied with something like:
"Aw, thanks for saying so"

But in my head I heard:
"Why thank you kind sir, your compliments have been heard and are highly appreciated."

There was a bit of an awkward silence, I looked back to Facebook. No new notifications. His friend then came over and they started talking about the game Sky Rim.

My ears pricked up... I could kind of contribute to this conversation... I said:

"I was thinking of buying my boyfriend SkyRim"

He says:
"Guuuuuuuurl, if you buy him SkyRim, you gunna be single for montts, he aint gunna ave time to to see youuuu, I got tree hours sleep last night cos of dat game bruv!"

I wanted to reply:
"yea boii, you get me cos I wana treat im all nice and shiiit an I erd the gams sik but if e ain't gunna see me den nooo way blud!!"


I didn't reply like that, but we did get into a conversation about gaming. I realised at this point that because of my current and previous boyfriends, I actually have a small amount of knowledge about gaming.

For example... I know that at most games... I am a n00b, and therefore not 1337!

For those of you who don't understand this:

noob means you're crap

1337 i.e Leet i.e Elite, means your fecking awesome.

The word n00b brings back a memory of my first boyfriend who attempted to get me into Halo. It didn't work. I tried but I literally was one of those people who ended up staring at the floor or the ceiling (take your pick) wandering in circles and not being able to crouch jump for the life of me. This said boyfriend was so obsessed that at one fancy dress party, we spent days gluing cardboard together creating the armour of Master Chief and he modified a motorbike helmet complete with working light and switch to complete his costume.

As he was going as Master Chief... I went as Cortana.

For those of you who don't know who or what she is, Cortana is a blue hologram lady with not much left to the imagination. Google her! What I will tell you is I needed a light blue catsuit and a dark blue fabric pen and not much else!

I've never actually owned a console, the only thing I have ever owned is a gameboy advance, yet due to friends I have enjoyed Grand Theft Auto and runninng over defenseless pedestrians, I have enjoyed hitting zombies with benches in Dead Rising and recently decapitating fighters in Mortal Kombat.

All of the above makes me sound like a very violent person =/

I have come to the conclusion that if I was brought up with game consoles that I would not now have a life, but I have also realised, I think, given the chance, I'd be very good at it. For the last few months I have been in a relationship with someone who has introduced me to the wonders of the Playstation 3... I will now admit to you that the entirety of this blog has just been one massive ploy to get someone to buy me a that console, so I can continue to "FINISH HIM" with a "FATALITY" and perhaps get a "FLAWLESS VICTORY".

So please,


for my sake, buy me a PS3!

Toodle Pip,

Sheila x

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